I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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