I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize