I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
