My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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