so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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