i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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