I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you didnt know i had herpes?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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