In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
love makes seman taste better
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize