marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
