9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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