just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
