oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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