He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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