paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
