the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
