I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
