One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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