just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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