Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
