He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
