yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
