Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
