I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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