maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
