so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
