you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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