he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
