okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
