It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
