CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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