i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
