hotel room ftw
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
