Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
love makes seman taste better
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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