you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
