I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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