All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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