Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
