do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
