Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."