So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!