If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night