Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize