he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
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then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..