So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
