Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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