Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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