big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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