I need help removing her.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
