It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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