Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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