Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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