Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I party with great urgency now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
