You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
