Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
