We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
