I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
