i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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