Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
