Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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