went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
