Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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