I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
