between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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