You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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