It's Friday. Sex?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
