Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize