You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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