I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
