fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
