Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
