Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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