Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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