2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
