i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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