at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize