I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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