remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
